Monday, March 2, 2009

10 things to do if someone stares

I just came back from British Council to register for my IELTS exam. Since I got a car many months ago, I ceased to use any form of public transport. But today I decided to take the komuter to British Council since I don't want to park at KLCC or anywhere else that would burn a hole through my already-full-of-holes-penganggur wallet.

So I hopped on the 9 a.m. train. Was quite packed. Smelled the usual body odours of unwashed bodies. And got the full blast of many pairs of eyes staring. Got stared at for daring to wear an ipod, for wearing a scarf, for wearing make-up, for wearing golden heels/bangles, for carrying a pink file, for being female. I don't know, the usual reasons people stare. Bombarded with so many people eyeballing me, I didn't know what to do other than hurriedly sitting down and try to blend in with the ugly red seats.

Now after such an experience, I wonder, what do you do when people stare at you? I've complied the 10 things you can do. Enjoy! Pictures from google

1) Have a staring contest to see who blinks/turns away first (Warning: Do not attempt this with dangerous characters eg. gangster-looking males carrying concealed weapons). Even if your eyes start to water or your contact lens fall off from extreme pressure, do not surrender (winning is everything!).

The world record for non-blinking. Whats a few minutes compared to 16 HOURS, right! You can do it!!


Examples of characters that you should NOT engage in staring contests

 
2) Raise an eyebrow "inquiringly"(It only works if you can do it..if you happen to have a unibrow, it is better not to attempt this for fear it will draw more unwanted attention)


Perfect examples of eyebrows arched "inquiringly". 


If your eyebrows look like this, do nothing with them. Do not wiggle, arch or anything that might draw any(more) unwanted attention.And do buy tweezers, asap.

3) Pretend to be a model and pose (make sure you practice in front of mirror at home first to truly carry this off.Watch Project Runaway/ America's Next Top Model for inspiration. Remember, practice makes perfect!).

Some of the poses you can try. Ideally, while you're leaning against something eg. komuter steel pole or when hanging on the hand strap of LRT.

4) Check your handphone for non-existent miss calls/messages (You can also, if desperate, pretend to call your "husband" and ask about your 8 kids at home..major turn-off guaranteed!)

"Hello Yang, anak-anak kite macam mana?"

5) Look elsewhere. If you like, you can also accompany this look with glazed or crossed eyes, a bit of drool, a giggle or two (a loud laugh is encouraged) and if you feel up to it, stick out your tongue. This is effective for old people and makciks who will be too embarrassed and look away. For teenagers/freaks/kids, this will have the opposite effect and will make them stare harder.

Another look you can go for.

However, if you look like this, then this list or any other list will not help you with staring people. Just accept that people will stare or buy a paper bag. Good Luck!


6) The thumbs-up. If someone looks at you from head to toe, let him/her finish looking. Then meet their eyes, and slowly give a two thumbs up sign, together with a dazzling smile/ a tiny nod as thanks for their willingness to appraise you.

Yeah!

7) Blink rapidly. This is the simplest and most effective way. If you feel someone staring,meet the person's eyes and blink as fast as you can. Don't stop until the person looks away. Not recommended for those wearing contact lenses. If you wear glasses or sunnies, take them off first as it is essential for the person staring to be able to see your eyes blinking. (Warning: stop immediately once successful as rapid blinking can become a habit!)

Make sure you can differentiate between a blink and a WINK. Winking may accidentally confer other unintentional messages to the starer. (Unless the person staring is an absolutely gorgeous hunk..if so, wink away gurls!)

8) I admit that there are some persistent starers out there who will refuse to look away no matter what. If you encounter one of these, what you can opt to do is..stand/sit opposite of the person. Stare back as hard as you can while frowning and add in a grimace or two as if you are puzzled by something. You can also scratch your head and mutter to yourself words like *mysterious, pelik, heran, weird etc*

They always say its better to start young..


9)The peek-a-boo!.If you happen to carry a book/magazine/any reading material around, you are in luck! What you can do is actually to first, cover your face with the said book. Then slowly, lower the book to reveal your face to your starer. Do this over and over again, faster and faster each time, to every starer. Its fun and guaranteed to banish away the stares!

If you don't have any reading materials, your hands would suffice.


10) This is the most extreme. Do it ONLY if you are NOT in an enclosed area (like a train,bus etc). and do it ONLY if you have enough energy for a short run. First locate the person who is staring at you the hardest. Then raise your arms and point your index finger to the person. Scream and make a horrible face (as if you are seeing the devil himself). Run the opposite direction while glancing back now and again as if to make sure the starer doesn't follow you. Stop after 30 seconds and continue on your way, assured that you have taught at least one person that staring is not polite.

The best running-away-from-someone run.


So, take your pick of the options and people staring at you will be a thing of the past. 

-The above methods were all tried and true by me, most* worked splendidly-

*some may produce hazardous results

18 comments:

Starry Eyed said...

Jinan, I usually opt for no 8.. that is staring back and tgk like diorang weird gile.. usually then they would stop staring..

tp.. yg dlm ur list ni.. yg fav is NUMBER 6! hahahahahahahaha. I love it!!!! I hope someone would do that.. would be really funny!

this post made my day! :)

sheell said...

hahahaha.....
funny i wont stare back.

yeah this is funny

KayKamaL said...

jinan memang mengong..hahahahaha...jee...i nid ur number la woman!

Hanim Hani said...

hahahahhaha

this is soo damn funny!=)

syakira said...

tolong ah super duper funnyyy!!!!!
hehehehehehehehehe
:) :)

Jinan said...

Zakiah: My Fav is number 10! hehe..glad that it made your day..

Sheel: I know you wont..

Kay: Nanti kalo i ingat i'll message it ok! thanks for dropping by..

Hanim: Thanks..Glad it made you laugh

Syak: Bile lagi nak g swimming? hehe

b said...

LOL

niena said...

jinan, aku pon tgh2 nak amik ietsl test ni..ingt nak g yg kat warta je..heheh ko mesti hebat, band9 agaknyer..huhu

Jinan said...

Abrar: LMAO

Niena: Iye? Ada ke kat Warta?..*down skjap sbb kene pg sampai KL*

Ko nak g sambung masters gak eh..sile story sket

and aku band 9? perlu ke setaraf native speaker? haha..aku tak sehebat iteww

Karen said...

hahahahaha..~~

dis is a cool entry ;)

Jinan said...

Thanks Karen..heh

starryeyed said...

ROFL
as always u always make me laugh sista!

Jinan said...

hey sista! perlu doubt jinan naik komuter?!!

tmc said...

jinnann!! i dare you to do no 3!
hehehhehe=)=)=)

Jinan said...

i have done it! and people had the *are you crazy* kind of look in their eyes..muahaha..but it got me more stares..sigh~

SK said...

Fun read. And very creative solutions. Hahaha.
I guess most ppl have gone through this sometime.

Blahblahblah said...

some girl at my school stares at me all the time I run away and she follows me. One day at school she was staring at me I arched my eyebrows as if to say what are you looking at, turned and legged it. She carried on staring so i did this really creepy evil stare which made her uncomfortable and she looked away!!!

Malcolmx Lovelock said...

Im very tall guy and Every single person has a good look.